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The risks of bullshit

There are many unforeseen dangers in spreading bullshit, no matter whether it’s silly or meant to deceive. Aside from the more common issues—prosecution, Interpol search warrants, insults and threats at your address—there is still plenty of trouble left. It’d be great to be able to get back to the people punishing you for it, though. I think Galilei said it best when he said “e pur si muove!” I can’t see why anyone else would say that, anyhow.1 My Italian is flakey at best, for one.

Anyway, on to the show!

Three dangers you’ve surely not yet considered

  • Your bullshit gets published and millions upon millions buy, read and eat your stuff. Your word is taken for truth, and you are considered the supreme deity in your following’s rather monotheistic system. If you don’t believe in gods, that could be a problem. Also: sacrificial burning. Of goats. We don’t want that.
  • People will want to hire you to speak at college booze fests or birthday parties or book releases. Everyone laughs, and when it gets annoying, people will laugh more. Before you know it, you’re so fed up with being silly that you’ll end up an annoying old man (or woman, depending on your reproductive systems). A grumpy old man, who only complains about how the past was better—”in my day, an iPod was the best you got”; “nothing feels like the real thing: the tangibility and authenticity of ogg is still better than what you gat-dayum kids listen to these days!”
  • My theory on the movement of light2 takes a rapid acceleration in the world of science and it happens to be true. It will be immensely tough for me to explain myself, considering it’s 1) a joke and 2) not really based on anything, ever, in any way. Besides, I don’t do science. Pfft.

There are many unforeseen risks when you start out in the world of spreading bullshit. And someone got to take ‘em, I says.

  1. Sorry Jina!
  2. And I quote myself, “considering the discussion whether light consists of particles or is a system of waves, I hereby state that light is particles moving in waves.”

2 comments

  1. “considering the discussion whether light consists of particles or is a system of waves, I hereby state that light is particles moving in waves.”

    It’ll need a fancy name:
    * The Mientjes Conjecture
    * Mientjes-Egelbert Theorema
    * Mientjes-Riemann Duality
    * Mientjes-

  2. Bullshit.

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